Dear Mom, It's Okay...I'm Okay

Uncategorized Jun 18, 2018

Dr. Larry Nassar was my doctor from the time I was 12 to about 16. He was the person I, and so many others trusted. All I wanted was help finding the answers that would help heal my body so that I could go back to the sport I loved. He influenced the direction of my career for many years and I held him on such a high pedestal. My throat tightens and my eyes well up with rage as I write this. I am speechless as I try to wrap my head around the gravity of what was allowed to go on for as long as it did.

Judge Aquilina – Your handling of this case and the way you allowed each victim to share their story of survival is inspiring. Thank you for letting these women be heard loud and clear, and setting such an example for how these ‘accusations’ should be handled. She said it was her “honor and privilege” to sentence him—I can’t even imagine how much!

I will allow the letter below to fill in the rest:

 

Dear Mom,

It’s Okay. I’m Okay.

Seeing Larry’s face on TV with the banner below full of accusations made my head spin. I had never been directly connected to something like that. We both trusted him. Hell, everyone recommended him. Now what? What actually happened? Did this happen to me?  

Months have passed and more and more women have courageously stood up and said, “me too”. Months have passed and I have continued to question, what exactly happened to me? There was always that one time I questioned, but I was in the middle of a competition floor. Would he really do something that was not a medical necessity with everyone being able to see?

Maybe.

I can’t imagine what you’ve been feeling. I was in rough shape for many years. It was from a multitude of things, but thankfully, he was not one of them. Other than questioning it briefly in the moment, it was only recently that he, consciously, had a negative effect on me. You were doing everything you possibly could to bring your smiley girl back. Truth was, I was meant to find my own way—and I did. All those years taught me so many amazing lessons that now help me help so many others. Thank you for always showing me so much love. I may not have always been able to show it back, but I don’t know where I would today without it.

 

That man has taken so much from so many. I know this has been weighing heavy on you. All of those years were not because of him, and they were not because you took me to him. I am mad that he is a part of my story. I am mad that I feel the need to wear shorts when seeing a male masseuse. But the only thing that would make me feel worse is if you continue to carry the feeling that you took me to someone that made my world darken in the way that it did. I’m more than okay and you were doing everything you could to help your little girl. 

I love you and I don’t know what I would do without you.

 Xoxo, Sam

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